The Filipino Mom Blog

As I was flipping channels yesterday evening I chanced upon a local show that was talking about the role of a yaya (nanny) in helping raise a child. This caught my attention because I, admittedly, have never known how life is like without them.

I grew up raised by a whole slew of family members. Weekdays were spent with my grandparents and weekends were with my parents. Sounds a bit dysfunctional but it was actually a very happy childhood. The one constant presence in my frequent relocation was my yaya.

Still, I wasn’t one of those kids who had the misfortune of not having enough PG (parental guidance) and GPG(grandparental guidance) to see me through. They were still my main source of caring and love. From the very start my yaya was really someone to help my parents and grandparents in taking care of me. Somewhere along the way, though, a familial bond developed between me and my yaya and I looked upon her as a member of the family as well. Despite this, my parents made sure that they were still the ones I turned to for affection and for guidance.

So, back to the show. As I listened intently to what the speaker was saying I realized that there were some pointers she was giving that really hit close to home. She talked about the specific things that only a Mother could and should do and must not be assigned to a yaya.

My kids have had a Yaya from the time they were born. But from the start I already made it clear with her that her role in raising my kids was really just to be a helping hand to me. I am a very hands-on parent and I truly appreciate having our yaya with us. Still I want my kids to grow up knowing that their primary source of love, affection, and care are their parents. Here are the “Mommy Only” duties that were mentioned:

• Caring for your child during times of illness.

How else do you explain those old Vicks Vaporub commercials with the “Haplos ng pagmamahal” taglines. In my case, this could not be more true. When my kids are sick there is no one else but me who takes care of them. True, their yaya is always on hand to help but the main tasks are still my job. And I am the one who goes on a 24 hour shift when my children are really sick. I know I cannot live with myself if I don’t do this.

• Eating with your child.

When my kids started to eat I really made it a point to be the one to feed them no matter what. I have to admit, I was really such a stickler about the kind of food that passed through their lips. In a word I was “maselan.” I’ve lightened up since then and now my kids are such good eaters they leave people in awe about the food they eat and how much they eat. Dining has become an integral part of our family bonding time and my kids really look forward to meal times.

• Bathing your child.

When I was a brand new mother I really shunned this task, to be completely honest. But it wasn’t because I didn’t want to do it, I just didn’t know how to. So my hesitance was borne out of ignorance not of neglect. Enter our trusty yaya who is a mother 5 times over and a grandma to 10 kids. She was the one who taught me how to properly bathe my kids. Today I am still the primary bathe giver in the house. That’s how my kids want it. But whenever I am not on hand to do this task their yaya does it for me, by default.

• Helping with their studies.

For me this duty is truly one that I take very, very seriously. Even before they started going to school I made it a point to join them in doing their learning activities like reading and drawing. Now that they are of school age, we have already a set time for reviewing their lessons and they look to me or their Dad whenever they come across some difficulty with their schoolwork. Sometimes, though, their yaya also reads to them and does some art work with them and I really appreciate her effort in doing this with her wards.

• Tucking the children to sleep.

From the time my kids were born we have already been sleeping in the same room. My husband and I are big fans of co-sleeping because we feel that it establishes a really close bond between us and our children. My children also look forward to being tucked in because it means getting a few minutes of cuddle time with their parents.

Our yayas are a godsend and in our home they are treated as members of the family.  But just like any member of the family their role is clearly delineated.  My children see them as go-to people but not as surrogates whenever we can’t be with them.

We as parents have the responsibility to foster a respectful relationship between our children and their yayas.  As employers we should treat them with respect and, likewise, command their respect.  At the end of the day we should always remember that our yayas are there to help us in taking care of our children and it should always be that way…they are there to help us and it is us parents who should be the ones taking on that primary role as caretakers of our children.