The Filipino Mom Blog

Parents of children with special needs go through some steps in caring for their child.

First is DISBELIEF.

Who would have thought that their child has special needs? Who would have thought that their child would be diagnosed with Autism, ADHD, mental retardation, learning disabilities or other conditions? They ask, “God, why does it have to be my child?”

Alongside disbelief is DENIAL.

Parents see nothing wrong with their child. It might just the child has more energy than others, or their child may just have a slower rate of understanding than other children their child’s age. Is it?

They suddenly ask questions “Maybe because children develop at different paces so my child is not exempt with this? Why are children different from one other? Why do children have their own specific talents and interests? What is my child’s special talent and interest?”

Then there’s GRIEF.

Yes, parents grieve.

They grieve the loss of their dream for their child who can never be the doctor they wanted their child to be. They grieve because no matter how much treatment or intervention is given to their child they feel that their child may not be capable of living a life like others.

They have the nagging question, “What would happen if we die (first)? Who would take care of our child?”

Questions too difficult to answer for now.

Time flies.

Parents cope differently.

Soon there is ACCEPTANCE for parents who are able to spring into action immediately following their child’s diagnosis.

Scouring the web for information, devouring all information they get related to their child’s problems, and going to therapists who can help them and their child. They look for special schools and therapy centers. They keep all necessary documents. They take down notes. They listen to the experts. They even attend seminars.

In fact, some even become advocates for the cause that they are fighting for. They spare no time and expense in getting help needed for their child. After all, money is nothing if their child won’t be able to live a “normal life”.  Even if that money is scarce, they will find ways.

Some parents, on the other hand, wallow in grief, having a hard time accepting the diagnosis.

Chances are, they will seek another doctor’s opinion, and another, and another, hoping to hear that their child has no problem.

They feel the need to observe their child to ascertain later if there really is a problem.

More often than not, they ignore the doctor’s advice for important intervention programs that would help their children cope alongside typically developing children.

What happens then? The child moves further away from the supposedly performance age, unable to perform at the expected level of performance.

Why? Because the child has not received any help at all, and this is compounded with other symptoms or behavior that have developed over time.

As a result, more intensive intervention is required.

Don’t Lose Hope

The journey through this is not without bumps and humps.

Along with this journey are stressful and hopeless moments, tensions between and among family members, the feeling of reaching the end of one’s wits, losing patience, and feeling more despair than joy.

Yes, there are triumphant moments, as well as leaps over the bumps.

Parents should keep their sanity intact, not giving up. God does not give challenges that cannot be overcome.

In the end, they become better persons, having faced and survived a storm of their own.

Fighting a “battle” that involves their child is not one where parents should back down. It is a “battle” worth fighting for.